Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
