now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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