...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
