Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
