Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
