just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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