i jhust puked up my retainher.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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