it's like iHOP with fire
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
