Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize