he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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