She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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