I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize