So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This is my gift to your gina
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
