I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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