My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
