I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
