u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
