I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
