I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
