u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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