I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
