Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
