I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
