woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
