Someone shit on the floor
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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