Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
