The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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