Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
