Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
