it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
