So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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