i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
