Duck Duck Cougar?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
