I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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