**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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