Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
