I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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