Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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