Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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