I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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