This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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