tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
