Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
