apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
