I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
