she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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