its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
