i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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