My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
