I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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