I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
