I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
