My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
