I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
