I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
