I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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