i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
