I'm sorry my penis didn't work
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
