I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
