theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
