I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
