I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
